Missy had hoped that something would come up that would cancel Jeff’s family reunion but it wasn’t to be. At least the weather was going to be nice following several days of rain. Missy always found Jeff’s family to be hillbilly-ish and just wanted to get the afternoon at the park over with.
Jeff, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt complimented Missy on her outfit when he picked her up. Today she was wearing a light, white with blue sundress and a new pair of white, canvas Keds paired with white ankle socks. Missy always like to look nice so Jeff knew it was best just be complimentary and not ask any questions.
Pulling into the parking area, Missy had Jeff move his car saying he was too close to the next guy’s dirty pickup truck and didn’t want to brush up against it when getting out. Walking through the parking lot and to the sidewalk, Jeff was reminded how Missy always walked with a certain grace. Good posture, legs extending like a ballerina with each step, pretty sundress moving in the wind – he thought she looked great.
The sidewalk leading to the large pavilion led to a small footbridge over a stream where several kids were playing. Missy remarked to Jeff, “those kids are all wet and dirty and they just got here. I can’t believe their parents are letting them do that.”
Jeff said, “They’re just kids being kids. No big deal.” Missy’s nonverbal response was one of disagreement.
They made their way into the large pavilion lined with picnic benches and greeted dozens of Jeff’s relatives. Everyone was very nice but Missy couldn’t get over how many bad outfits she saw on the girls and women. Cut-off jeans, Crocs, cheap flip-flops and rock concert t-shirts were the order of the day. She was already starting to feel overwhelmed with the scenery. She heard a noise and turned around in time to see one of the boys from the creek running down the aisle in her direction. Missy stepped back to allow the boy plenty of room to get by without getting any of his personal mess on her dress. In doing so, she bumped up against the neighboring picnic table and shuttered when she saw she was a mere inch from a casserole dish of baked beans. One of the ladies reached over and moved it away telling her that it would be shame if she got anything on her pretty dress. “Oh my god, yes!” she thought while politely smiling.
A few minutes later she told Jeff that they needed to take a walk get some distance from his “extra” family. She pointed down a sidewalk opposite of the one they walked in from and asked what was over there. He told her that at the end of the sidewalk there was a lookout area that let you see the small river that was nearby. She decided that would be a good place to get away from the chaos.
They headed down the sidewalk which down a slight grade before leveling off near the lookout. At the base of the hill, they noticed a small amount of water gathered; not a puddle by any means, just enough to make the pavement wet. Mid-sentence of whatever she was rambling about she came to a complete stop. Jeff looked at her puzzled and she said, “I’m not walking through that!”
Jeff responded, “It’s just wet, it’s not deep.”
Missy retorted, “I know it’s just wet but if I walk through it, I’ll probably get water spots on my new shoes and I’ll spend the rest of the day looking like a boofer.” While making her proclamation, she had extended her right foot, gesturing at her pristine Keds just purchased the day before.
Missy saw the solution to her problem. This area must be prone to water issues when it rains so the park had placed two 8-10 feet logs (roughly the diameter of a telephone pole), on either edge of the sidewalk to keep the significant run-off away. Missy took a step to her right and one step forward and extended her left hand towards Jeff. After a few seconds of puzzlement, Jeff figured out what she was doing. Missy rolled her eyes at his density. Jeff took her left hand with his right as she stepped up onto the log. She gracefully strode down the length of the log as he steadied her.
After she stepped down onto the dry pavement, Jeff teased her by saying, “I didn’t know that you were that big of a priss.”
She quickly snapped back with “I’m NOT a priss. I just happen to take some pride in how I look....unlike most of the others here!” Realizing he had touched a nerve, he apologized and they continued down to the lookout. After looking at the river and spotting some unique birds, he suggested that they return to the pavilion where she reluctantly agreed.
Returning to the same damp spot on the pavement, Jeff wondered if she’d just tiptoe across and not make such a big deal. He didn’t have to wonder long as she daintily placed her right foot on the end of the log on the right side of the path and again extended her left hand for Jeff’s assistance. Playing along, he said, “I’ll gladly take your hand ma ’dam.” A few steps down the log and he asked in a playful, affected voice, “Anything that I can get for you when we get back to the pavilion Prissy Missy?”
Like a bolt of lightning, she recoiled her left hand and yelled, “I’m NOT prissy!” Her temper got the best of her in that in pulling her hand away, she had lost her balance and stepped off the log to the side of water-logged grass. Her left foot remained on the log but her right sank nearly to the top of her shoe in the muck. Simultaneously, Jeff heard her let out an “ughhhh” accompanied by a perfunctory “slurp” as the swampy grass welcomed her foot into its grasp. She winced as she felt the water rush into her canvas sneaker and soak her foot. She glared at Jeff and through clenched teeth said, “That’s it! We’re leaving! We’re going to walk around the pavilion and go directly to the car! I can’t believe this!!”
Jeff looked to see which direction they had to walk to get back to the parking lot without going back through the pavilion. Missy hesitantly looked down to see the black water surrounding her little white sock and couldn’t bear to think how bad her shoe was going to look. The bunny loops on the laces floated delicately on top of the water while everything else was submerged. She then looked up towards the pavilion and nobody seemed to be paying attention to her predicament. “Let’s just get out of here and disappear,” she thought.
Jeff extended his hand in an effort to help her out but not soon enough. Missy tried to pull her foot out to get both onto the log, but the earth had other plans. The suction was more than she expected and while her foot (and shoe), came out of the muck, it caused her to again lose her balance. Jeff reached for her as she was windmilling her arms and leaning backwards making an “oh....oh....oh” sound. A moment later, she let out a primal scream as she toppled backwards landing on her butt in the muddy grass. A second or two passed as she came to grips with her fate. Her mouth was wide open in disbelief. In frustration, she yelled, “son of a bitch!” and slammed both of her arms down in the mud splattering a good bit onto her face.
Missy’s outburst did get everyone’s attention and a few dozen relatives stared on in disbelief as they watch Missy struggle to get to her feet. With Jeff’s help, she did manage to stand up and slog back to the sidewalk. Her light, summery dress hung on her with what felt like 50 pounds of extra weight and muddy water oozed out of the eyelets on her day-old Keds.
As they made their way up the sidewalk to the pavilion, Jeff observed that in the matter of one hour that Missy was the exact opposite of when they arrived at the park. Her posture was hunched, she had a side-to-side gate as she walked and every step made a squishing sound. Her look of superiority melted into one of defeat and abject disappointment. After someone found some blankets, Jeff prepared the car for what amounted to a very tense ride home.
After throwing her dress and formerly white tennies into the garbage, Missy showered and decided to go to bed early. Laying in bed, scrolling on her phone, her day managed to get a little worse when she saw that Jeff’s cousin spliced together a series of photos from the afternoon. The cousin not only had photos but did catch Missy’s tumble into the mud followed by her ungraceful extrication. Everything was inserted into 30 second video which was now trending on social. The video ended with a before and after side-by-side comparing Missy looking ever so cute at her arrival to her humiliating exit. Worst. Day. Ever.
Jeff, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt complimented Missy on her outfit when he picked her up. Today she was wearing a light, white with blue sundress and a new pair of white, canvas Keds paired with white ankle socks. Missy always like to look nice so Jeff knew it was best just be complimentary and not ask any questions.
Pulling into the parking area, Missy had Jeff move his car saying he was too close to the next guy’s dirty pickup truck and didn’t want to brush up against it when getting out. Walking through the parking lot and to the sidewalk, Jeff was reminded how Missy always walked with a certain grace. Good posture, legs extending like a ballerina with each step, pretty sundress moving in the wind – he thought she looked great.
The sidewalk leading to the large pavilion led to a small footbridge over a stream where several kids were playing. Missy remarked to Jeff, “those kids are all wet and dirty and they just got here. I can’t believe their parents are letting them do that.”
Jeff said, “They’re just kids being kids. No big deal.” Missy’s nonverbal response was one of disagreement.
They made their way into the large pavilion lined with picnic benches and greeted dozens of Jeff’s relatives. Everyone was very nice but Missy couldn’t get over how many bad outfits she saw on the girls and women. Cut-off jeans, Crocs, cheap flip-flops and rock concert t-shirts were the order of the day. She was already starting to feel overwhelmed with the scenery. She heard a noise and turned around in time to see one of the boys from the creek running down the aisle in her direction. Missy stepped back to allow the boy plenty of room to get by without getting any of his personal mess on her dress. In doing so, she bumped up against the neighboring picnic table and shuttered when she saw she was a mere inch from a casserole dish of baked beans. One of the ladies reached over and moved it away telling her that it would be shame if she got anything on her pretty dress. “Oh my god, yes!” she thought while politely smiling.
A few minutes later she told Jeff that they needed to take a walk get some distance from his “extra” family. She pointed down a sidewalk opposite of the one they walked in from and asked what was over there. He told her that at the end of the sidewalk there was a lookout area that let you see the small river that was nearby. She decided that would be a good place to get away from the chaos.
They headed down the sidewalk which down a slight grade before leveling off near the lookout. At the base of the hill, they noticed a small amount of water gathered; not a puddle by any means, just enough to make the pavement wet. Mid-sentence of whatever she was rambling about she came to a complete stop. Jeff looked at her puzzled and she said, “I’m not walking through that!”
Jeff responded, “It’s just wet, it’s not deep.”
Missy retorted, “I know it’s just wet but if I walk through it, I’ll probably get water spots on my new shoes and I’ll spend the rest of the day looking like a boofer.” While making her proclamation, she had extended her right foot, gesturing at her pristine Keds just purchased the day before.
Missy saw the solution to her problem. This area must be prone to water issues when it rains so the park had placed two 8-10 feet logs (roughly the diameter of a telephone pole), on either edge of the sidewalk to keep the significant run-off away. Missy took a step to her right and one step forward and extended her left hand towards Jeff. After a few seconds of puzzlement, Jeff figured out what she was doing. Missy rolled her eyes at his density. Jeff took her left hand with his right as she stepped up onto the log. She gracefully strode down the length of the log as he steadied her.
After she stepped down onto the dry pavement, Jeff teased her by saying, “I didn’t know that you were that big of a priss.”
She quickly snapped back with “I’m NOT a priss. I just happen to take some pride in how I look....unlike most of the others here!” Realizing he had touched a nerve, he apologized and they continued down to the lookout. After looking at the river and spotting some unique birds, he suggested that they return to the pavilion where she reluctantly agreed.
Returning to the same damp spot on the pavement, Jeff wondered if she’d just tiptoe across and not make such a big deal. He didn’t have to wonder long as she daintily placed her right foot on the end of the log on the right side of the path and again extended her left hand for Jeff’s assistance. Playing along, he said, “I’ll gladly take your hand ma ’dam.” A few steps down the log and he asked in a playful, affected voice, “Anything that I can get for you when we get back to the pavilion Prissy Missy?”
Like a bolt of lightning, she recoiled her left hand and yelled, “I’m NOT prissy!” Her temper got the best of her in that in pulling her hand away, she had lost her balance and stepped off the log to the side of water-logged grass. Her left foot remained on the log but her right sank nearly to the top of her shoe in the muck. Simultaneously, Jeff heard her let out an “ughhhh” accompanied by a perfunctory “slurp” as the swampy grass welcomed her foot into its grasp. She winced as she felt the water rush into her canvas sneaker and soak her foot. She glared at Jeff and through clenched teeth said, “That’s it! We’re leaving! We’re going to walk around the pavilion and go directly to the car! I can’t believe this!!”
Jeff looked to see which direction they had to walk to get back to the parking lot without going back through the pavilion. Missy hesitantly looked down to see the black water surrounding her little white sock and couldn’t bear to think how bad her shoe was going to look. The bunny loops on the laces floated delicately on top of the water while everything else was submerged. She then looked up towards the pavilion and nobody seemed to be paying attention to her predicament. “Let’s just get out of here and disappear,” she thought.
Jeff extended his hand in an effort to help her out but not soon enough. Missy tried to pull her foot out to get both onto the log, but the earth had other plans. The suction was more than she expected and while her foot (and shoe), came out of the muck, it caused her to again lose her balance. Jeff reached for her as she was windmilling her arms and leaning backwards making an “oh....oh....oh” sound. A moment later, she let out a primal scream as she toppled backwards landing on her butt in the muddy grass. A second or two passed as she came to grips with her fate. Her mouth was wide open in disbelief. In frustration, she yelled, “son of a bitch!” and slammed both of her arms down in the mud splattering a good bit onto her face.
Missy’s outburst did get everyone’s attention and a few dozen relatives stared on in disbelief as they watch Missy struggle to get to her feet. With Jeff’s help, she did manage to stand up and slog back to the sidewalk. Her light, summery dress hung on her with what felt like 50 pounds of extra weight and muddy water oozed out of the eyelets on her day-old Keds.
As they made their way up the sidewalk to the pavilion, Jeff observed that in the matter of one hour that Missy was the exact opposite of when they arrived at the park. Her posture was hunched, she had a side-to-side gate as she walked and every step made a squishing sound. Her look of superiority melted into one of defeat and abject disappointment. After someone found some blankets, Jeff prepared the car for what amounted to a very tense ride home.
After throwing her dress and formerly white tennies into the garbage, Missy showered and decided to go to bed early. Laying in bed, scrolling on her phone, her day managed to get a little worse when she saw that Jeff’s cousin spliced together a series of photos from the afternoon. The cousin not only had photos but did catch Missy’s tumble into the mud followed by her ungraceful extrication. Everything was inserted into 30 second video which was now trending on social. The video ended with a before and after side-by-side comparing Missy looking ever so cute at her arrival to her humiliating exit. Worst. Day. Ever.
