A.I. G-Rated Possibilities

[RonR]

### Mary’s Frustrated Phone Call to Her Coworker

It was late afternoon, and Mary had finally made it back home after her disastrous walk at the park. Exhausted, humiliated, and still picking dried mud out of her hair, she dialed her coworker, Natalie, to vent about what had happened. She couldn’t go another second without releasing her frustration upon someone who surely would sympathize.

The phone rang twice before Natalie picked up, cheerfully. “Hey, Mary! What’s up? How’s your Saturday going?”

Mary sighed dramatically, already bristling at the thought of recounting the ordeal. “Ughhhh, Natalie. You won’t believe what happened to me today. It was a total nightmare!”

Natalie perked up, curiosity piqued by the sheer exasperation in Mary’s voice. “Ooh, what happened?”

Mary huffed, pacing around her living room as she stared angrily at her now-ruined white Keds sitting by the door. “Well, where do I even start? I went on what was supposed to be a casual walk in the park with some other moms from my son’s school, right?”

“A walk? In the park? That sounds nice—wait, don’t tell me, the other moms were underdressed or something?”

“Oh, underdressed doesn't even begin to describe it, Natalie! They showed up in sweatpants,” Mary spat the word like it left a bitter taste in her mouth. “Sweatpants, tacky old sneakers, and mismatched hoodies. And there’s me, actually putting in some effort, thinking we were all civilized enough to take a walk without looking like we crawled out of bed. I mean, I was wearing my brand new white canvas Keds! The cute ones!” she added, her voice rising.

Natalie chuckled on the other end. “Oh no, Mary… let me guess. You were dressed to impress and they… well, weren't impressed?”

Mary stopped pacing, the irritation in her voice sharpening. “Exactly! I was wearing my new white sleeveless blouse and my pastel yellow capris. You know, the ones I had tailored? The outfit I thought was perfect for a casual but put-together look. And of course, as soon as I show up, those other moms have that look—you know the one.”

“The ‘oh, you’re overdressed’ look?” Natalie asked, her voice teasing.

Mary groaned. “Yes! They didn’t say anything directly, but oh, I could feel the silent judgment. But whatever, I thought. ‘I’ll be fine,’ right? It was just a casual walk. I wasn’t planning to climb a mountain.”

Natalie snickered softly. “I’m sensing something didn’t go fine…”

Mary sighed dramatically again. “Oh, you have no idea. Everything was fine until we come across this section of the park where they’ve got some construction work going on, so there’s this muddy dirt path. And of course, the other moms—being all practical in their tacky sneakers—just waltz around with no problem.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t ‘waltz’ around as easily?” Natalie interjected with a laugh already bubbling in her throat.

Mary’s voice climbed a notch. “Of course not! I mean, I couldn’t just trudge like them in my new Keds! So I tried being careful—tried to find a dry patch to cross. But the universe was obviously against me today. I see this puddle—this massive muddy puddle—and I try hopping around it thinking I’m being smart.”

Natalie was now fully entertained, barely holding back. “Sooo… what happened when you… ‘hopped?’”

Mary’s response came with full dramatic flair. “Disaster happened! I took just one little hop, and the dirt underneath me was SO loose that my foot slipped, and suddenly I was face-first, in straight-up mud.”

Natalie’s laugh broke out, full and genuine. “NOOOOO!”

“YES!” Mary exclaimed, her voice hitting an almost comedic pitch. “I landed like it was some kind of mud wrestling match! My cute pants—ruined. Expensive, tailored, PALE YELLOW, and now covered in brown streaks up to my thighs!”

“Oh my God, I’m picturing it now,” Natalie wheezed, half laughing and half trying to be sympathetic. “Your poor outfit! How bad were the shoes?”

“The shoes?” Mary echoed dramatically. “Natalie, my gorgeous white Keds… brown. Just brown! They were soaked in the stuff. It was everywhere, even in my socks. And don’t even get me started on my top—my beautiful white blouse that I just bought—there was so much mud splashed across it. I still don’t know where half of it came from! It’s like the ground just... attacked me!”

Natalie couldn’t contain her laughter now, picturing the meticulous, always-polished Mary splattered in mud. “Wait, so you’re now just fully covered in mud, like something out of a slapstick comedy?”

Mary groaned again, this time deeper. “It was so much worse because the moms all saw it happen!”

Natalie was gasping for air, laughing hard now. “Oh nooo, they saw!? What did they do?”

Mary’s voice trembled slightly with indignation as she remembered the horror. “Oh, they laughed, Natalie! Laughing and smirking like it was the most hilarious thing they'd ever seen. Kelly had the nerve to say, ‘Aren’t those shoes a little too clean for park walking?’ before taking a picture! They thought it was a joke.”

Natalie was now in full cackle mode. “Oh my God, this is too funny! I can’t believe they took a picture! That’s gold!”

Mary’s voice vibrated on the edge of disbelief. “Can you believe that? I fall face-first into a mud puddle, ruin hundreds of dollars’ worth of clothes, and all they can do is take photos and make snarky comments about mud being my new look! I’ve never been more humiliated!”

“I mean, if I was there, I might have been dying of laughter too,” Natalie admitted, still overcome with amusement. “It just sounds like one of those so-awful-it’s-hilarious moments. You know?”

“Well, it certainly isn’t hilarious for me!” Mary fumed. “I was soaking in mud like a swamp creature. I could feel it squishing around in my shoes! There was mud in my hair, Natalie. HAIR!”

By now, Natalie was practically in tears from laughing. “Okay, okay,” she said, trying to bring herself back down. “I’m sorry, but hearing you describe it—it’s just too much. It’s like something out of a bad movie. Next time you’re taking my advice, right? Maybe leave the Keds at home and bust out the running shoes!”

Mary sighed miserably on the other end. “You know what, at this point, I think I’m abandoning all shoes. I’m just staying inside forever.”

Natalie finally caught her breath, her voice still dancing with laughter. “Oh please. You’ll be fine. You just had an unlucky day. But next time you’ll have this epic story—and maybe don’t tempt fate with white clothes in the mud zone.”

Mary groaned dramatically as she collapsed onto her couch. “Next time, I’m just hiring a chauffeur. No more parks.”

Despite her ongoing frustration, she could hear Natalie’s laughter bubbling up again, and she couldn’t help but crack a tiny, reluctant smile. This was a disaster—but at least she had a story her office would never forget.

Mary asked Natalie, "Can you picture me getting ready for the walk? Choosing my outfit, sliding on my new Keds fresh out of the box. How do you picture my day unfolding? From getting to the park, sizing up my friends' sloppy clothing, starting the walk, first coming to the construction area, me sizing up my route around the mud puddle, my dainty jump then fall and me wallowing around in the mud for a few seconds. Describe what you picture."

 

[bot]

Mary asked Natalie, "Can you picture me getting ready for the walk? Choosing my outfit, sliding on my new Keds fresh out of the box. How do you picture my day unfolding? From getting to the park, sizing up my friends' sloppy clothing, starting the walk, first coming to the construction area, me sizing up my route around the mud puddle, my dainty jump then fall and me wallowing around in the mud for a few seconds. Describe what you picture."

Natalie was still recovering from her fits of laughter, but the gleeful smile on her face didn’t fade as she took a deep breath and prepared to answer Mary’s question. "Oh gosh, Mary, are you sure you want me to walk through this play-by-play? Because, girl, in my head, it’s like a full-on comedy movie!"

Mary rolled her eyes, but her tone was still half-exasperated, half-playful. "Just do it. I need to hear how ridiculous this whole thing must have looked."

Natalie cleared her throat, her voice taking on a theatrical tone as if she were narrating a dramatic scene. "Okay, so first, I’m imagining you in your closet, surrounded by your well-organized clothes—everything dry cleaned, color-coordinated, and neatly folded.” She paused, putting on her snootiest imitation of Mary. “‘Hmm, which one of my fabulous tailored outfits would best say, I’m better dressed than you, but still effortlessly casual?’"

Mary let out a snorted laugh despite herself, but Natalie wasn’t done.

"Oh, and then, I see you locking eyes on those brand-new Keds, still pristine in their box. The gleam off the fresh white canvas is practically blinding. You probably slid them on like Cinderella with her glass slipper and were like, ‘Yup, these are it. These are the shoes that say, "who needs running shoes when I’ve got these beauties?"’ Am I right?”

Mary groaned but didn’t deny it. "Maybe I wanted to look a little more upscale. It didn’t deserve a plunge into a mud pit!"

"A plunge. That's the perfect word, trust me,” Natalie teased, before continuing on with her narrative. "So, you’re feeling fabulous, leaving the house, probably even thinking you might get a compliment or two from the other moms. Fast forward. You pull into the parking lot, step out of the car, and then it happens: instant disbelief the moment you see Jessica, Kelly, and Amanda in their worn sweatpants and old sneakers."

Natalie laughed, faking a scandalized gasp, "Clutching your pearls. ‘Wait, is this a park or am I walking with a bunch of slobs?’ You kinda throw them that smirk like, ‘Don’t you guys know you can make an effort, too?’ And they’re probably teasing you already."

Mary shook her head, but she couldn’t help joining in. "You’re not wrong. They were looking at me like I’d just stepped off the cover of Parenting Vogue in the middle of a swamp.”

"Exactly! And you’re feeling so confident,” Natalie continued. "You guys start walking, and despite their smart remarks, you're thinking, ‘I’ll still win the day. No dirt will touch me, 'cause I’m just going to avoid all these messy areas.’ But thennnn…”

Mary sighed deeply, already hearing about what was coming.

Natalie built up more enthusiasm in her voice. "Enter the construction zone… dun, dun, DUN! It’s like the climax of the movie. You see that massive mud section up ahead and, for a brief moment, I picture you giving a little side-eye glance to the other moms like, ‘Good luck, peasants!’ You're probably already patting yourself on the back for having picked a cute outfit... until you see it.”

"The puddle," Mary interrupted flatly. "The enemy."

"YUP, the gigantic puddle," Natalie continued with an exaggerated voice for emphasis. "So, imagine it… You’re sizing it up, probably squinting your eyes, strategizing this like a chess grandmaster. You’re mapping it out—where’s the driest little edge you can tiptoe around? There’s some mental calculus going on, something you’d see a detective do at a crime scene."

Mary groaned, but she was laughing now, too. "Not my finest moment."

Natalie adopted a faux serious tone. "And then I picture it. The moment of glory. Mary's ‘Mission Impossible’ music kicks in as you try to step daintily around the edges. I can see it—the hop.” Natalie mimicked a delicate jump with her hands in the air, graceful like a ballerina. "Your little one-foot lift like a ballerina, thinking, ‘This is no big deal. I’ll just elegantly float over the problem.’ But—you guessed it!"

"The slip," Mary added, throwing her hands up in dramatic agreement.

"The slip!" Natalie exclaimed, now giggling uncontrollably. "Your foot hits that loose dirt, and bam! You’re launched into the air, and then it happens in slow-motion."

Natalie drew the moment out to comedic heights. "I can see it so perfectly in my head. You’re flailing—your eyes going wide, arms out, and then? SPLAT! Face-first into the mud! BOOM, a dramatic explosion of mud going everywhere— like a muddy geyser."

Mary laughed over the phone, embarrassed but also entertained by this reenactment that was way too on point. "Ugh."

"Then," Natalie continued, milking the aftermath for all it was worth, "there’s that moment of pure silence where you just lay there for a second, half in disbelief like, ‘Did this actually just happen to me? ME?! The fashion queen?!’ You probably feel the mud seeping into every crevice—the shoes, your perfect yellow capris, and oh gosh, the pristine white blouse… Now it’s just one big brown canvas of shame.”

Mary couldn't hold in her laugh now. "Stop! You’re making it sound like an epic Shakespearean tragedy."

Natalie dramatically clutched her imaginary pearls again. "Oh, but it WAS! I mean, can you imagine the scene? You’re wallowing there for a moment, cursing the universe, and then—ah, the best part—we pan over to the other moms." She made sound effects for emphasis. "Wheeze-laughing, unable to walk straight because they think it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever seen. Between gasps, Kelly’s probably tossing out comments like, ‘Oh, that’s going to need some serious dry cleaning, girl.’ And Amanda? She’s too busy trying not to fall over from laughing to help you up!”

Mary fell back against the couch, covering her face with her hand but grinning ear-to-ear. "You make it sound a thousand times worse than it was."

Natalie grinned, savoring every moment. "Oh no, sweetie. If anything, I’m toning it down. The look on your face in that split second before the smush? Priceless. An Oscar-worthy performance. Like… ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. What is this filth?’ And then the moment it dawns on you that your Keds are no longer white… Nope. Those are just washcloths now.”

Mary laughed so hard she started wheezing. "Washcloths! Awful! They were so new!"

Natalie shared in the laughter, thoroughly enjoying herself. "Oh man, Mary, I’m telling you—if I had been there, I would’ve gotten nothing done. I’d be laughing for the rest of the week. That was one for the record books."

Mary shook her head, her laughter finally dying down, but a smile lingered on her face. "Okay, enough! Now I really want that chauffeur, ’cause I’m never walking again.”

Natalie giggled one last time before replying. "Well, for what it’s worth, at least you gave everyone a story they'll be telling for years. Your legendary fall into the pit of doom!"

 

[RonR]

Natalie was still recovering from her fits of laughter, but the gleeful smile on her face didn’t fade as she took a deep breath and prepared to answer Mary’s question. "Oh gosh, Mary, are you sure you want me to walk through this play-by-play? Because, girl, in my head, it’s like a full-on comedy movie!"

Mary rolled her eyes, but her tone was still half-exasperated, half-playful. "Just do it. I need to hear how ridiculous this whole thing must have looked."

Natalie cleared her throat, her voice taking on a theatrical tone as if she were narrating a dramatic scene. "Okay, so first, I’m imagining you in your closet, surrounded by your well-organized clothes—everything dry cleaned, color-coordinated, and neatly folded.” She paused, putting on her snootiest imitation of Mary. “‘Hmm, which one of my fabulous tailored outfits would best say, I’m better dressed than you, but still effortlessly casual?’"

Mary let out a snorted laugh despite herself, but Natalie wasn’t done.

"Oh, and then, I see you locking eyes on those brand-new Keds, still pristine in their box. The gleam off the fresh white canvas is practically blinding. You probably slid them on like Cinderella with her glass slipper and were like, ‘Yup, these are it. These are the shoes that say, "who needs running shoes when I’ve got these beauties?"’ Am I right?”

Mary groaned but didn’t deny it. "Maybe I wanted to look a little more upscale. It didn’t deserve a plunge into a mud pit!"

"A plunge. That's the perfect word, trust me,” Natalie teased, before continuing on with her narrative. "So, you’re feeling fabulous, leaving the house, probably even thinking you might get a compliment or two from the other moms. Fast forward. You pull into the parking lot, step out of the car, and then it happens: instant disbelief the moment you see Jessica, Kelly, and Amanda in their worn sweatpants and old sneakers."

Natalie laughed, faking a scandalized gasp, "Clutching your pearls. ‘Wait, is this a park or am I walking with a bunch of slobs?’ You kinda throw them that smirk like, ‘Don’t you guys know you can make an effort, too?’ And they’re probably teasing you already."

Mary shook her head, but she couldn’t help joining in. "You’re not wrong. They were looking at me like I’d just stepped off the cover of Parenting Vogue in the middle of a swamp.”

"Exactly! And you’re feeling so confident,” Natalie continued. "You guys start walking, and despite their smart remarks, you're thinking, ‘I’ll still win the day. No dirt will touch me, 'cause I’m just going to avoid all these messy areas.’ But thennnn…”

Mary sighed deeply, already hearing about what was coming.

Natalie built up more enthusiasm in her voice. "Enter the construction zone… dun, dun, DUN! It’s like the climax of the movie. You see that massive mud section up ahead and, for a brief moment, I picture you giving a little side-eye glance to the other moms like, ‘Good luck, peasants!’ You're probably already patting yourself on the back for having picked a cute outfit... until you see it.”

"The puddle," Mary interrupted flatly. "The enemy."

"YUP, the gigantic puddle," Natalie continued with an exaggerated voice for emphasis. "So, imagine it… You’re sizing it up, probably squinting your eyes, strategizing this like a chess grandmaster. You’re mapping it out—where’s the driest little edge you can tiptoe around? There’s some mental calculus going on, something you’d see a detective do at a crime scene."

Mary groaned, but she was laughing now, too. "Not my finest moment."

Natalie adopted a faux serious tone. "And then I picture it. The moment of glory. Mary's ‘Mission Impossible’ music kicks in as you try to step daintily around the edges. I can see it—the hop.” Natalie mimicked a delicate jump with her hands in the air, graceful like a ballerina. "Your little one-foot lift like a ballerina, thinking, ‘This is no big deal. I’ll just elegantly float over the problem.’ But—you guessed it!"

"The slip," Mary added, throwing her hands up in dramatic agreement.

"The slip!" Natalie exclaimed, now giggling uncontrollably. "Your foot hits that loose dirt, and bam! You’re launched into the air, and then it happens in slow-motion."

Natalie drew the moment out to comedic heights. "I can see it so perfectly in my head. You’re flailing—your eyes going wide, arms out, and then? SPLAT! Face-first into the mud! BOOM, a dramatic explosion of mud going everywhere— like a muddy geyser."

Mary laughed over the phone, embarrassed but also entertained by this reenactment that was way too on point. "Ugh."

"Then," Natalie continued, milking the aftermath for all it was worth, "there’s that moment of pure silence where you just lay there for a second, half in disbelief like, ‘Did this actually just happen to me? ME?! The fashion queen?!’ You probably feel the mud seeping into every crevice—the shoes, your perfect yellow capris, and oh gosh, the pristine white blouse… Now it’s just one big brown canvas of shame.”

Mary couldn't hold in her laugh now. "Stop! You’re making it sound like an epic Shakespearean tragedy."

Natalie dramatically clutched her imaginary pearls again. "Oh, but it WAS! I mean, can you imagine the scene? You’re wallowing there for a moment, cursing the universe, and then—ah, the best part—we pan over to the other moms." She made sound effects for emphasis. "Wheeze-laughing, unable to walk straight because they think it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever seen. Between gasps, Kelly’s probably tossing out comments like, ‘Oh, that’s going to need some serious dry cleaning, girl.’ And Amanda? She’s too busy trying not to fall over from laughing to help you up!”

Mary fell back against the couch, covering her face with her hand but grinning ear-to-ear. "You make it sound a thousand times worse than it was."

Natalie grinned, savoring every moment. "Oh no, sweetie. If anything, I’m toning it down. The look on your face in that split second before the smush? Priceless. An Oscar-worthy performance. Like… ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. What is this filth?’ And then the moment it dawns on you that your Keds are no longer white… Nope. Those are just washcloths now.”

Mary laughed so hard she started wheezing. "Washcloths! Awful! They were so new!"

Natalie shared in the laughter, thoroughly enjoying herself. "Oh man, Mary, I’m telling you—if I had been there, I would’ve gotten nothing done. I’d be laughing for the rest of the week. That was one for the record books."

Mary shook her head, her laughter finally dying down, but a smile lingered on her face. "Okay, enough! Now I really want that chauffeur, ’cause I’m never walking again.”

Natalie giggled one last time before replying. "Well, for what it’s worth, at least you gave everyone a story they'll be telling for years. Your legendary fall into the pit of doom!"

Be honest, would you have laughed at me? You know, I wasn't dressed for getting dirty? What's so funny?

 

[bot]

Be honest, would you have laughed at me? You know, I wasn't dressed for getting dirty? What's so funny?

Natalie almost choked on her laughter again. "Oh, Mary, come on. Would I have laughed at you?" She paused for a second, then broke into a big grin, "Yes. Absolutely. 100%. I would have died laughing."

Mary groaned dramatically. “Why is everyone finding this so hilarious?! I wasn’t dressed for rolling around in mud like a pig, Nat!”

Natalie chuckled warmly. “Exactly, that’s what makes it funny. It’s not like you were in some scrappy, old sneakers and workout clothes, mentally prepared for a trip to Mud Town. You, Miss Sophisticated Soccer Mom, came to the park in a spotless white blouse, tailored pale-yellow capris, and brand new white Keds. It’s hilarious because the universe threw you into a situation where those clothes were the worst possible choice! There’s just such a gap between what you were ready for and what actually happened.”

Mary shook her head, eyes narrowing as she half-whined. "I don’t see the humor. How did my clean, chic outfit turn into everyone’s joke of the day?"

Natalie leaned in, voice softening but still laced with laughter. "Look, it’s not about you specifically. It’s about the situation. You painstakingly put together this perfect outfit for a casual, tidy event. And then life just goes—'Nope. Not today!' Suddenly you’re in a mud wrestling event without even knowing it. There's a kind of irony in it… the more prepared you were to stay clean, the dirtier you got."

Mary allowed herself a slight grin. "So I’m some hilarious example of life’s cruel irony..."

Natalie playfully rolled her eyes. "Oh, 100%. Like, yes, it's you, but it’s just that perfect contrast. You’re all prim and proper—then bam! You get tossed into a mud puddle like it’s fate telling you to loosen up or something. It’s like watching someone set up the fanciest dinner table and then immediately spill spaghetti sauce all over it.”

Despite trying to stay serious, Mary couldn't help but chuckle. "Okay, maybe I can see how it’s a bit funny... still rude, though."

Natalie smirked and held back another laugh. “And besides, I know you, Mary. You would’ve been cracking up if roles were reversed and I showed up in pristine white and fell face-first into a mud pile. You know it!”

Mary raised her hands defensively, grinning even wider now. “I mean… maybe, maybe not.” But she couldn’t hold the playful tone.

“Oh, please,” Natalie said, rolling her eyes. “You’d be laughing so hard, you’d snort. I’m just telling it like it is.”

Mary sighed in mock defeat. "Fine, you win! I might have laughed if it was you. Guess I’ll have to become a viral meme now.”

Natalie couldn’t stop herself from bursting into more laughter. “You know what? If that happens, just make sure you get a cut of the profits! Think of it as your ‘contribution to comedy.’”

“Heard,” Mary muttered with an exaggerated eye roll. After a pause, she added with a teasing grin, “But next time I show up somewhere in white, pray for me, okay?”

Natalie burst into a fit of giggles again, “Deal. But my suggestion? Maybe keep the white blouses off the park trail next time.”

Mary sighed, but this time she was laughing along too.

“And the Keds, too, Nat,” she said finally. "No more fresh-out-the-box Keds for park strolls."

Natalie practically cheered. "Yes! A lesson well learned!"

 

[RonR]

Natalie almost choked on her laughter again. "Oh, Mary, come on. Would I have laughed at you?" She paused for a second, then broke into a big grin, "Yes. Absolutely. 100%. I would have died laughing."

Mary groaned dramatically. “Why is everyone finding this so hilarious?! I wasn’t dressed for rolling around in mud like a pig, Nat!”

Natalie chuckled warmly. “Exactly, that’s what makes it funny. It’s not like you were in some scrappy, old sneakers and workout clothes, mentally prepared for a trip to Mud Town. You, Miss Sophisticated Soccer Mom, came to the park in a spotless white blouse, tailored pale-yellow capris, and brand new white Keds. It’s hilarious because the universe threw you into a situation where those clothes were the worst possible choice! There’s just such a gap between what you were ready for and what actually happened.”

Mary shook her head, eyes narrowing as she half-whined. "I don’t see the humor. How did my clean, chic outfit turn into everyone’s joke of the day?"

Natalie leaned in, voice softening but still laced with laughter. "Look, it’s not about you specifically. It’s about the situation. You painstakingly put together this perfect outfit for a casual, tidy event. And then life just goes—'Nope. Not today!' Suddenly you’re in a mud wrestling event without even knowing it. There's a kind of irony in it… the more prepared you were to stay clean, the dirtier you got."

Mary allowed herself a slight grin. "So I’m some hilarious example of life’s cruel irony..."

Natalie playfully rolled her eyes. "Oh, 100%. Like, yes, it's you, but it’s just that perfect contrast. You’re all prim and proper—then bam! You get tossed into a mud puddle like it’s fate telling you to loosen up or something. It’s like watching someone set up the fanciest dinner table and then immediately spill spaghetti sauce all over it.”

Despite trying to stay serious, Mary couldn't help but chuckle. "Okay, maybe I can see how it’s a bit funny... still rude, though."

Natalie smirked and held back another laugh. “And besides, I know you, Mary. You would’ve been cracking up if roles were reversed and I showed up in pristine white and fell face-first into a mud pile. You know it!”

Mary raised her hands defensively, grinning even wider now. “I mean… maybe, maybe not.” But she couldn’t hold the playful tone.

“Oh, please,” Natalie said, rolling her eyes. “You’d be laughing so hard, you’d snort. I’m just telling it like it is.”

Mary sighed in mock defeat. "Fine, you win! I might have laughed if it was you. Guess I’ll have to become a viral meme now.”

Natalie couldn’t stop herself from bursting into more laughter. “You know what? If that happens, just make sure you get a cut of the profits! Think of it as your ‘contribution to comedy.’”

“Heard,” Mary muttered with an exaggerated eye roll. After a pause, she added with a teasing grin, “But next time I show up somewhere in white, pray for me, okay?”

Natalie burst into a fit of giggles again, “Deal. But my suggestion? Maybe keep the white blouses off the park trail next time.”

Mary sighed, but this time she was laughing along too.

“And the Keds, too, Nat,” she said finally. "No more fresh-out-the-box Keds for park strolls."

Natalie practically cheered. "Yes! A lesson well learned!"

If you were at the park watching from a distance, what would you have been thinking as my group was forced onto the unpaved trail and approached that mud puddle? Comments on my outfit? What would your thoughts have been as I was getting ready for my dainty leap?

 

[bot]

If you were at the park watching from a distance, what would you have been thinking as my group was forced onto the unpaved trail and approached that mud puddle? Comments on my outfit? What would your thoughts have been as I was getting ready for my dainty leap?

Natalie could barely contain herself imagining the scene, and after calming down from her previous laughter, she leaned forward as if she were giving some deeply serious commentary. "Oh, Mary… if I had been there, just witnessing this from a distance? Girl, let me just set the scene."

She cleared her throat, adopting a mock-serious, almost investigative tone like she was narrating a wildlife documentary. "I imagine myself on a nearby bench, maybe sipping on an iced latte, just casually people-watching, right? All of a sudden, I see your group walking—well, the other moms are walking, but there you are, strutting like it’s Paris Fashion Week."

Mary let out an exaggerated sigh. “I was NOT strutting. I was merely… walking with purpose.”

Natalie waved off her protest with a dramatic gesture. "Okay, okay, purpose then. But I would’ve spotted you right away, and—no offense—you’d stand out like a sore thumb next to the sweatpants-and-sneakers brigade. I’d be like, ‘Who’s this fancy lady, and why is she at the park looking like she just stepped out of a Gap ad?’"

Mary shook her head, but she couldn’t argue with that. “Honestly, I was feeling good about that outfit, but now that you’re saying it…”

Natalie snickered. "Oh, I’m telling you, it’s the contrast! I mean, you’re sparkling—literally, in white—and I can just see you, head held high, probably determined to stay spotless while the rest of the squad is like, ‘Yep, this is just a regular old walk.’"

Pausing for effect, Natalie smirked. "Then I’m watching you guys get nearer to that unpaved trail, and right away I’m thinking, ‘Oh no. Miss Clean-Queen-Keds is not gonna like what’s ahead.’ But you—you’ve got that confidence, right? Probably thinking, ‘Pfft, no big deal. I’ve got this.’ And I’m just quietly in my head, sipping my drink, going, ‘There’s NO way she pulls this off without a mess.’ Like, I’m legit wondering if you’re about to invent some new magical mud-evading strategy.”

Mary groaned playfully. "I’ll have you know, I really did think I was avoiding a catastrophe.”

Natalie didn’t stop, fully in her element now. "So there you are, approaching the mud, and I’m sitting there getting excited, like, ‘Ohhh man, we’ve got ourselves a showdown!’ It’s you versus nature. And guess what I’m thinking?"

Mary raised an eyebrow. "That I’m doomed?"

Natalie grinned mischievously. “Exactly! Nature is undefeated. So when I see you stop at the edge of the puddle, sizing it up like you’re about to solve some Rubik’s Cube of navigation, I'm thinking, ‘This is the moment. This is where destiny unfolds.’ I mean, you’re already perched so carefully, and I know in that moment you’re doing the math—‘If I step here, angle my foot there, and take a light leap, I’ll be fine.’ And I'm thinking, ‘Nope. It’s a trap!’”

Mary laughed and shook her head in disbelief. "Honestly, it felt like an equation in my head. I was sure there was a way."

“Oh, honey, I know it did,” Natalie nodded enthusiastically. "And there I am, practically waiting on the edge of my bench, like, ‘Oh, she’s going for it!’ Then I see it—the dainty leap. It's like a slow-motion scene from some classic ballet. You even have that graceful look on your face like, ‘I’m invincible.’ And I’m just sipping my latte in total denial, thinking, ‘Oh, bless her. This is going nowhere good.’"

Mary covered her face, now fully laughing. "Why are you making me sound like some overconfident ballerina in a disaster movie?"

"Because that’s exactly what it is!” Natalie mimicked a sweet, delicate leap with her hand. "You thought you were going to glide over that mud like a swan, but nope! Suddenly, the earth beneath you shifted, and whoosh! Down you plunge! And that’s when I would’ve completely lost it. I’m watching this white blur—this fashionista—just disappear into the ground like the universe opened up just to mess with you!"

Natalie mimicked the moment dramatically, falling back into her chair with a loud, exaggerated gasp. "SPLAT! You’re face-first into the mud, and if I were watching? Oh man, Mary, I’d be done. I’d probably choke on my drink laughing!"

Mary laughed so hard she nearly dropped her phone. "You’re awful! I would’ve been over there flailing in the mud while you sat there howling from a distance?"

"Of course!" Natalie shot back, her voice mischievous. "And I’d be thinking, ‘Ohhh nooo, now she has to get up.’ And I imagine you slowly realizing you’re covered—like that moment of dawning horror when you’re trying to get back on your feet, but everything is just so muddy that you can barely catch your balance.”

“Ughhh,” Mary groaned, but she was grinning. “I was definitely stumbling around like an awkward baby deer.”

“I can picture it now,” Natalie continued, chuckling. “‘She’s down, she’s trying to recover, but the damage is already done. The Keds are destroyed, the capris are now some tragic new tie-dye pattern, and the blouse? Might as well throw it in a bonfire.’”

Mary laughed, though part of her heart cried for her lost outfit. "Unfortunately, you’re not wrong."

Natalie’s mockery hit one last crescendo. “And finally, I’d be thinking, ‘Well, time to bid farewell to that clean, put-together persona and embrace the mud-covered realness that is park life!’”

Mary gave a melodramatic sigh. "So basically, I'm imagining you sitting on the sidelines, drink in hand, cheering for the mud to win this battle."

Natalie couldn’t help but burst into one last round of laughter. "Not cheering for the mud exactly, but maybe for the comedy of it all. You versus nature was a fight we all saw coming, girl—and I’m sorry, but nature took you down like a champ."

Mary sighed, but she was laughing too hard to protest much. "Next time, I'm banning white clothes from my wardrobe. And I’m making sure you’re nowhere near the park to laugh at my next mishap!"

"Oh, I’ll always be there in spirit," Natalie teased. "Or, better yet, as your personal mud-detector. But until then, just know that one dainty leap into the mud made my day.”

Mary shook her head. “Never again,” but her smile said otherwise.

 

[RonR]

Natalie could barely contain herself imagining the scene, and after calming down from her previous laughter, she leaned forward as if she were giving some deeply serious commentary. "Oh, Mary… if I had been there, just witnessing this from a distance? Girl, let me just set the scene."

She cleared her throat, adopting a mock-serious, almost investigative tone like she was narrating a wildlife documentary. "I imagine myself on a nearby bench, maybe sipping on an iced latte, just casually people-watching, right? All of a sudden, I see your group walking—well, the other moms are walking, but there you are, strutting like it’s Paris Fashion Week."

Mary let out an exaggerated sigh. “I was NOT strutting. I was merely… walking with purpose.”

Natalie waved off her protest with a dramatic gesture. "Okay, okay, purpose then. But I would’ve spotted you right away, and—no offense—you’d stand out like a sore thumb next to the sweatpants-and-sneakers brigade. I’d be like, ‘Who’s this fancy lady, and why is she at the park looking like she just stepped out of a Gap ad?’"

Mary shook her head, but she couldn’t argue with that. “Honestly, I was feeling good about that outfit, but now that you’re saying it…”

Natalie snickered. "Oh, I’m telling you, it’s the contrast! I mean, you’re sparkling—literally, in white—and I can just see you, head held high, probably determined to stay spotless while the rest of the squad is like, ‘Yep, this is just a regular old walk.’"

Pausing for effect, Natalie smirked. "Then I’m watching you guys get nearer to that unpaved trail, and right away I’m thinking, ‘Oh no. Miss Clean-Queen-Keds is not gonna like what’s ahead.’ But you—you’ve got that confidence, right? Probably thinking, ‘Pfft, no big deal. I’ve got this.’ And I’m just quietly in my head, sipping my drink, going, ‘There’s NO way she pulls this off without a mess.’ Like, I’m legit wondering if you’re about to invent some new magical mud-evading strategy.”

Mary groaned playfully. "I’ll have you know, I really did think I was avoiding a catastrophe.”

Natalie didn’t stop, fully in her element now. "So there you are, approaching the mud, and I’m sitting there getting excited, like, ‘Ohhh man, we’ve got ourselves a showdown!’ It’s you versus nature. And guess what I’m thinking?"

Mary raised an eyebrow. "That I’m doomed?"

Natalie grinned mischievously. “Exactly! Nature is undefeated. So when I see you stop at the edge of the puddle, sizing it up like you’re about to solve some Rubik’s Cube of navigation, I'm thinking, ‘This is the moment. This is where destiny unfolds.’ I mean, you’re already perched so carefully, and I know in that moment you’re doing the math—‘If I step here, angle my foot there, and take a light leap, I’ll be fine.’ And I'm thinking, ‘Nope. It’s a trap!’”

Mary laughed and shook her head in disbelief. "Honestly, it felt like an equation in my head. I was sure there was a way."

“Oh, honey, I know it did,” Natalie nodded enthusiastically. "And there I am, practically waiting on the edge of my bench, like, ‘Oh, she’s going for it!’ Then I see it—the dainty leap. It's like a slow-motion scene from some classic ballet. You even have that graceful look on your face like, ‘I’m invincible.’ And I’m just sipping my latte in total denial, thinking, ‘Oh, bless her. This is going nowhere good.’"

Mary covered her face, now fully laughing. "Why are you making me sound like some overconfident ballerina in a disaster movie?"

"Because that’s exactly what it is!” Natalie mimicked a sweet, delicate leap with her hand. "You thought you were going to glide over that mud like a swan, but nope! Suddenly, the earth beneath you shifted, and whoosh! Down you plunge! And that’s when I would’ve completely lost it. I’m watching this white blur—this fashionista—just disappear into the ground like the universe opened up just to mess with you!"

Natalie mimicked the moment dramatically, falling back into her chair with a loud, exaggerated gasp. "SPLAT! You’re face-first into the mud, and if I were watching? Oh man, Mary, I’d be done. I’d probably choke on my drink laughing!"

Mary laughed so hard she nearly dropped her phone. "You’re awful! I would’ve been over there flailing in the mud while you sat there howling from a distance?"

"Of course!" Natalie shot back, her voice mischievous. "And I’d be thinking, ‘Ohhh nooo, now she has to get up.’ And I imagine you slowly realizing you’re covered—like that moment of dawning horror when you’re trying to get back on your feet, but everything is just so muddy that you can barely catch your balance.”

“Ughhh,” Mary groaned, but she was grinning. “I was definitely stumbling around like an awkward baby deer.”

“I can picture it now,” Natalie continued, chuckling. “‘She’s down, she’s trying to recover, but the damage is already done. The Keds are destroyed, the capris are now some tragic new tie-dye pattern, and the blouse? Might as well throw it in a bonfire.’”

Mary laughed, though part of her heart cried for her lost outfit. "Unfortunately, you’re not wrong."

Natalie’s mockery hit one last crescendo. “And finally, I’d be thinking, ‘Well, time to bid farewell to that clean, put-together persona and embrace the mud-covered realness that is park life!’”

Mary gave a melodramatic sigh. "So basically, I'm imagining you sitting on the sidelines, drink in hand, cheering for the mud to win this battle."

Natalie couldn’t help but burst into one last round of laughter. "Not cheering for the mud exactly, but maybe for the comedy of it all. You versus nature was a fight we all saw coming, girl—and I’m sorry, but nature took you down like a champ."

Mary sighed, but she was laughing too hard to protest much. "Next time, I'm banning white clothes from my wardrobe. And I’m making sure you’re nowhere near the park to laugh at my next mishap!"

"Oh, I’ll always be there in spirit," Natalie teased. "Or, better yet, as your personal mud-detector. But until then, just know that one dainty leap into the mud made my day.”

Mary shook her head. “Never again,” but her smile said otherwise.

Mary said, "You know, I forgot to mention, that as I approached the mud puddle, I watched the others in my group go around the left side where all that happened to them was a little bit of mud oozed up onto the soles of their Brooks. I thought was disgusting. In eyeing up a better way, there was a large rock near where I was standing. I put my left foot on the rock, made sure my laces were even and made sure that I hadn't gotten any dust on my shoe and then repeated the same with the right. At this point, I may have had those tennies on for an hour. Can you picture that scene?

The pristine canvas soaked in the mud and water instantly. By the time I stood up, my feet (inside my cute no-show socks), were swimming in muddy water. A squish and slosh with every step. What a mess!

 

[bot]

Mary said, "You know, I forgot to mention, that as I approached the mud puddle, I watched the others in my group go around the left side where all that happened to them was a little bit of mud oozed up onto the soles of their Brooks. I thought was disgusting. In eyeing up a better way, there was a large rock near where I was standing. I put my left foot on the rock, made sure my laces were even and made sure that I hadn't gotten any dust on my shoe and then repeated the same with the right. At this point, I may have had those tennies on for an hour. Can you picture that scene?

The pristine canvas soaked in the mud and water instantly. By the time I stood up, my feet (inside my cute no-show socks), were swimming in muddy water. A squish and slosh with every step. What a mess!

Natalie practically gasped, covering her mouth in mock horror, her eyes wide as she burst into a new fit of laughter. “Mary, stop. Are you telling me you were still checking your laces and cleaning imaginary dust off your shoes, while the other moms were just breezing by with a little mud on their soles??”

Mary groaned but couldn’t help chuckling. “Yes! I mean, their Brooks had mud oozing onto them, and I was not about to let that happen to my Keds. I thought using the rock was the smarter plan!”

Natalie threw her head back, practically wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh my God, I’m picturing it so perfectly! You, perched on this rock like it’s a fashion runway, inspecting your shoes like you’re checking if they’re runway-ready—meanwhile, everyone else is already past the mud, no problem. This is too good.”

“Exactly,” Mary agreed, shaking her head with disbelief at her own actions, “I was probably thinking, ‘They’re going to regret letting mud touch those shoes,’ while I’m double-checking to make sure my shoes look like they just came out of the box.”

“Oh, Mary… and then,” Natalie added, still giggling, “you took that step off the rock into full-on disaster mode? And all I can see is that crisp, white canvas just sinking into the mud like it was meant to be there.” She mimicked the scene with her hands, palms spreading apart like a grand fall into a muddy abyss.

Mary shook her head in exasperation. “Yep. The moment I stepped down, I felt it. The suctioning sound of my Keds just being swallowed whole. The canvas was drenched immediately, and the next thing I knew, my cute little no-show socks were squishing as the water and mud crept into every inch of them.”

Natalie was absolutely cackling at this point. "STOP. Your feet were swimming? Oh my God, Mary, the image of you looking so calm and composed on your rock, doing a final check on your brand-new Keds, and then—WHAM! Mud everywhere! I’m losing it. From pristine to disaster in 3…2…1.”

Mary flung her hands up in mock frustration, laughing loudly now. "Girl, the squelching sound with every single step was like a constant reminder of my poor, terrible judgment. SQUISH. SLOSH. SQUISH. I was miserable—not because of the mud itself, but because I knew my outfit was finished. Done for!"

Natalie giggled through her words, “I’m imagining you walking, and with each step, just… defeated, like, ‘Well, I am now one with the mud.’”

"Exactly!" Mary practically yelled, throwing her hands up. "I went from high-class ‘casual walk’ queen to ‘waddling through quicksand’ in a matter of seconds! I could literally feel the mud sloshing around the arch of my foot. It was so gross!”

Natalie managed to pull herself together just enough to chime in. "I bet with every step you were thinking, ‘My poor no-show socks! They were so perfect and cute, and now they’re doomed to be thrown away forever.’”

Mary stifled a giggle, reluctantly agreeing. “Yes! I loved those socks! They were the perfect blend of comfort and style—like, why did this have to happen to them!? Ruined!”

“And the Keds…” Natalie continued, still chuckling. “You probably looked down, saw them completely soaked in brown mud, and all you could think was, ‘This wasn’t supposed to be their story.’”

Mary groaned with a smile. "I felt betrayed! They were supposed to be my cute, spotless walking shoes. Not these soggy, wrecked blobs of canvas!"

Natalie made one final dramatic statement, holding back tears of laughter. “From fashion statement to mud statement in the blink of an eye. I bet even your Brooks-wearing friends were so glad they just took the left side of the puddle like normal humans."

“They were!” Mary admitted, laughing along. “Amanda actually asked me, ‘Why didn’t you just go around like us?’ I had no answer except… pride, I guess."

"Honestly, Mary," Natalie grinned, "It should be a new rule: Never let pride—or pristine Keds—lead you into the mud. But I guess next time you’ll remember that rock wasn’t your friend.”

"No, no it was not,” Mary chuckled, shaking her head in mock frustration. "Lesson learned. Boots next time. Brooks, even."

Natalie snorted. “Or maybe just avoid the park altogether, fashion queen.”

“Tempting,” Mary said, still smiling. “Very tempting.”

 

[RonR]

Natalie practically gasped, covering her mouth in mock horror, her eyes wide as she burst into a new fit of laughter. “Mary, stop. Are you telling me you were still checking your laces and cleaning imaginary dust off your shoes, while the other moms were just breezing by with a little mud on their soles??”

Mary groaned but couldn’t help chuckling. “Yes! I mean, their Brooks had mud oozing onto them, and I was not about to let that happen to my Keds. I thought using the rock was the smarter plan!”

Natalie threw her head back, practically wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh my God, I’m picturing it so perfectly! You, perched on this rock like it’s a fashion runway, inspecting your shoes like you’re checking if they’re runway-ready—meanwhile, everyone else is already past the mud, no problem. This is too good.”

“Exactly,” Mary agreed, shaking her head with disbelief at her own actions, “I was probably thinking, ‘They’re going to regret letting mud touch those shoes,’ while I’m double-checking to make sure my shoes look like they just came out of the box.”

“Oh, Mary… and then,” Natalie added, still giggling, “you took that step off the rock into full-on disaster mode? And all I can see is that crisp, white canvas just sinking into the mud like it was meant to be there.” She mimicked the scene with her hands, palms spreading apart like a grand fall into a muddy abyss.

Mary shook her head in exasperation. “Yep. The moment I stepped down, I felt it. The suctioning sound of my Keds just being swallowed whole. The canvas was drenched immediately, and the next thing I knew, my cute little no-show socks were squishing as the water and mud crept into every inch of them.”

Natalie was absolutely cackling at this point. "STOP. Your feet were swimming? Oh my God, Mary, the image of you looking so calm and composed on your rock, doing a final check on your brand-new Keds, and then—WHAM! Mud everywhere! I’m losing it. From pristine to disaster in 3…2…1.”

Mary flung her hands up in mock frustration, laughing loudly now. "Girl, the squelching sound with every single step was like a constant reminder of my poor, terrible judgment. SQUISH. SLOSH. SQUISH. I was miserable—not because of the mud itself, but because I knew my outfit was finished. Done for!"

Natalie giggled through her words, “I’m imagining you walking, and with each step, just… defeated, like, ‘Well, I am now one with the mud.’”

"Exactly!" Mary practically yelled, throwing her hands up. "I went from high-class ‘casual walk’ queen to ‘waddling through quicksand’ in a matter of seconds! I could literally feel the mud sloshing around the arch of my foot. It was so gross!”

Natalie managed to pull herself together just enough to chime in. "I bet with every step you were thinking, ‘My poor no-show socks! They were so perfect and cute, and now they’re doomed to be thrown away forever.’”

Mary stifled a giggle, reluctantly agreeing. “Yes! I loved those socks! They were the perfect blend of comfort and style—like, why did this have to happen to them!? Ruined!”

“And the Keds…” Natalie continued, still chuckling. “You probably looked down, saw them completely soaked in brown mud, and all you could think was, ‘This wasn’t supposed to be their story.’”

Mary groaned with a smile. "I felt betrayed! They were supposed to be my cute, spotless walking shoes. Not these soggy, wrecked blobs of canvas!"

Natalie made one final dramatic statement, holding back tears of laughter. “From fashion statement to mud statement in the blink of an eye. I bet even your Brooks-wearing friends were so glad they just took the left side of the puddle like normal humans."

“They were!” Mary admitted, laughing along. “Amanda actually asked me, ‘Why didn’t you just go around like us?’ I had no answer except… pride, I guess."

"Honestly, Mary," Natalie grinned, "It should be a new rule: Never let pride—or pristine Keds—lead you into the mud. But I guess next time you’ll remember that rock wasn’t your friend.”

"No, no it was not,” Mary chuckled, shaking her head in mock frustration. "Lesson learned. Boots next time. Brooks, even."

Natalie snorted. “Or maybe just avoid the park altogether, fashion queen.”

“Tempting,” Mary said, still smiling. “Very tempting.”

Wasn't there a girl in college that we knew that wore new white canvas Tretorns on a walk in the woods only to ruin them? She was pretty angry, right? How did that happen? I forget.

 

[bot]

Wasn't there a girl in college that we knew that wore new white canvas Tretorns on a walk in the woods only to ruin them? She was pretty angry, right? How did that happen? I forget.

Natalie let out a gasp, clapping her hand to her forehead in disbelief as the memory suddenly hit her like a bolt of lightning. “Oh my God... YES! I completely forgot about that! It was Lauren! Remember her? The girl who thought nature was just background scenery for an Instagram post, but wasn’t quite up on the practicality of, you know... outdoor footwear?”

Mary’s eyes widened in recognition, chuckling as the memory started coming back. “Yes! Lauren! Oh my gosh, she was always the one in class with everything color-coordinated. I swear, her backpack matched her notebook. What an absolute perfectionist."

Natalie was already giggling as she nodded. “Exactly! And that perfectionism definitely extended to her outfits. That girl showed up for the most casual things as if she was waiting for a fashion photographer to jump out from behind a tree. I should’ve known she was up to something when she put on those new canvas Tretorns for the group hike.”

Mary covered her mouth with her hand, laughing at the memory now. "I totally remember! We were confused from the minute we saw her. Who wears bright white Tretorns to a hike in the woods? It’s not like it was a walk in the mall!"

Natalie raised her eyebrows, still laughing. "Oh, and she did the same thing I can totally see you doing with your Keds! She was, like, super proud of them—kept looking down at her shoes, making these tiny, dainty steps to avoid literally anything that could get dirt on them. We’re walking through leaves, dirt, branches everywhere, and she’s practically on her tiptoes like it’s a balancing beam! I was like, ‘Lauren, girl… we’re in the woods. This isn’t some sidewalk parade!’”

Mary was shaking her head, nearly bent over in laughter. “And then there was that little creek we had to cross, remember? It was pretty shallow, but clearly had some mud around the edge. She completely lost it there.”

Natalie deepened her voice, mimicking Lauren perfectly, “‘Wait, we have to cross that?? No one said there’d be mud!’” She broke character and burst into even more laughter. “Like, we were casually hiking, and she’s out here acting like she’s about to be challenged on Survivor."

“Oh my gosh, yes!” Mary exclaimed, practically bouncing in her chair. “Lauren tried to find some perfect rock formation to tiptoe across, but just like me, she failed. The earth was out to get her!”

Natalie was pounding the table with her hand as she laughed. “YUP! I think she thought she could hop across the little gaps between the rocks with her feet in mint-condition Tretorns. But just like with you and your Keds, there was that moment where she overestimated her balance. She sank right down into the mud! God, the pure horror on her face!"

“Lauren’s pristine shoes—her prized white Tretorns—gone in an instant!” Mary cried out, eyes wide with laughter. “She was standing there like a statue, freezing in panic, and all she could say was, ‘NO! No! No, no, NO! My shoes!’”

Natalie could barely speak through her laughter at this point. “YES! I swear, you’d have thought someone had just ruined her favorite designer purse. And every time she lifted her foot, there was this god-awful squishing sound, mud bubbling up over the edges of her precious Tretorns, destroying the white canvas.”

“Oh, and don’t forget her socks!” Mary added, laughing even harder. “Lauren was wearing those little ankle sock things, and the water was just seeping into them. She was practically wading in that muck!”

Natalie took a deep breath to calm down but couldn’t help herself from tossing in one last detail. “And remember when she finally snapped and just yelled, ‘THIS IS WHY I DON’T DO THE OUTDOORS!’ She stormed off and refused to walk through mud the rest of the hike—even if it meant making us take the long way back!”

Mary was wiping tears from under her eyes. “She was SO MAD! It was like the forest had personally offended her. Her shoes were wrecked, her socks were disgusting—she legitimately looked like she’d been betrayed by nature itself.”

“It was Epic.” Natalie exclaimed. "And the worst part is, she was mad at everyone else for not telling her, like it was our fault she wasn’t prepared! She really thought we should have warned her specifically because she was wearing white canvas sneakers! I think one of the guys was like, ‘Lauren, it's a forest, not a spa day.’”

Mary howled at the memory. “Oh, you’re right! That just made it worse. Poor thing was furious the whole way back.”

Natalie grinned wide, shaking her head. “So now you know, Mary… you’ve officially joined Lauren in the club of people who trusted their white canvas shoes on a hike. May your feet forever squish in muddy solidarity!”

Mary sighed but was still laughing. “I guess there’s no escaping it. I’m now part of the tragic history of ruined white shoes in nature.”

Natalie gave her a playful, sympathetic look. “And we’ll never let either of you live it down. Tretorns, Keds… no shoe is safe.”